#i should probably reblog this onto my reblog account maybe

[glass-oranges]

Hiiii I made a core picrew if u wanna check that out I think that would be super cool <3

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

the girl next door 11

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such as age gap, manipulation, chronic illness, noncon/dubcon, coercion, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: A new neighbour moves in and upends your already disarrayed life.

Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself.

This lewk but silverfox

“How about dinner?” Steve asks as he stretches his arms above his head.

Your eyes wander the muscles of his arms, still bulging and round despite his age. He makes you feel lesser. You’re probably half his age and you’re all soft and cushy. You have nothing to admire. You scratch your scalp, itchy from the layer of sweat, and shrug.

Before he drops his arms, you catch a peek of his stomach. You look at the ground guiltily. You don’t even know why you were looking at him. It’s rude to stare.

“Sure, honey,” your mom answers as you follow Steve to the deck, “you been working so hard today.”

“You like barbeque?” Steve stops and nudges you with his elbow as you come up beside him. You shy away.

“Er, sure.”

“Oh,” your mom’s cheeks twitch, “mm, that’ll be nice. A little family dinner.”

You shrink down. You’re standing right there and she forgot about you. Or just doesn’t want you there.

“Ice cream for dessert,” Steve pats your shoulder and you wince again. He squeezes before he steps forward, “Holly, you okay?” He asks as your mother’s head tremors. “You’ve been sitting out here for a while. Maybe I could send you over something instead.”

“I’m good,” she insists, gripping the sides of the chair. She stands with an effort. She doesn’t look well.

“Alright, I’ll get stuff ready. Could use some help,” he looks at you. Your mother rubs her lower back and flutters he lashes in your direction.

“I can help,” she insists before you can answer.

“Really, Holly, relax,” Steve counters, “I know you want to help, but...” he pauses and reaches to grab her quivering hand, “you should probably just sit down.”

“Oh,” she looks at his grip before it falls away. “Yeah, I... you’re right. I’m... thanks.”

She sits down, uncharacteristically demure. You’ve never seen that in her. Any time you reminded her of her sickness, even unintentionally, she got defensive. Not this time. She almost looks sad.

“Come on, I’ll share my famous recipe with you, then you can make some for your mom,” Steve says as he waves you towards the doors.

You shuffle behind him, offering no resistance. You wouldn’t want to stay in case your mom chose to direct her shame at you. She won’t say it to his face but she won’t have any problem sharing her displeasure with you.

You leave your shoes by the door, overly aware of your surroundings. Steve’s house is clean and spacious. He might have just moved in but you suspect it’s as much his standards as the newness. He leads you into the kitchen and you stand awkwardly by the counter.

“Should wash your hands,” he goes to the double sink and grabs the dish soap, “come here.”

You near him, hunched slightly, and he squeezes soap into his own hand before aiming the nozzle toward you. You hold out your hands and he squirts the liquid onto your palms. The water scours from the tap and you wet your hands, forced to stand closer than you like as you lather up the bubbles. You scrub your nails and get between your fingers, making sure to get as much as the residue as you can.

You rinse off and he grabs a hand towel, offering it to you first before he takes it and dries his hands. He hangs it and turns to the fridge. That’s fancy too. The door is glass and you can see the contents without opening it. He pulls the door and reaches within.

You wait listlessly as he takes out his ingredients. You shy away as he moves towards you, opening cupboards to pick out seasoning, then bending to grab a bowl from below. He plunks the large dish on the counter near you.

“How about you make us a salad, sweetie?” He grabs several veggies from his horde and sets them by the bowl, “knives are right there.”

He points to the block then opens another cupboard. He takes out a spinner and sets that out as well. He has all these nice things and fresh food. Your salads come out of plastic containers or bags.

You rinse off a pepper and put it on the cutting board. You slide out a knife and stare at the veggie before you slice into it. You chop it in half and seeds spill everywhere. You frown as they stick to your fingers. You try to move the heavy wooden board but can’t budge it. Instead, you rinse the inside of the pepper then wipe the board with your hand.

“Here, let me show you a trick,” Steve turns and takes the knife, “Cut the sides,” he takes the yellow pepper, “like this.” He expertly trims off each side then cuts them into neat slices, turning them to dice into squares. You watch quietly and he turns the handle of the knife to you. “See.”

You nod and take the knife. Doesn’t matter much, the red ones already halved. You do your best to cut out the middle with all the seeds and slice slower than him, careful of your fingers. It takes you far too long to do the tomato, with no shortage of gushing juices, and the onion.

As you add them all to the rinsed lettuce, Steve adds some crumbled soft cheese and croutons. You clean up the remnants of your work and he points you to the metal bin. You step on the pedal and dumb it all inside. You return to the counter as he pulls out another bowl.

“Now the burgers, we got the meat,” he unfolds a paper package and dumbs the ground beef into the bowl, “bread crumbs,” he shakes the tin, “but most important is the seasoning.”

He takes each slender container, measuring out the powders and dried herbs by sight alone. He names them each but you can’t keep track. He caps the last one and spreads his fingers wide.

“Now the good part,” he proclaims and kneads it all together with his hands.

You watch his fingers work, deft and confident. He mashes in the bread crumbs and seasoning then holds up his messy hands.

“You can help with the next part,” he takes a handful and rounds out the meat into a patty shape. “Just like that. Think we’ll do what? Six or so? Might want seconds after all that hard work.”

“Okay,” you reach in and take the cold beef. The texture is unnerving. You mimic his own motion, rolling it into a ball then flattening it. He puts the first one on the plate and you add yours to it.

“You’re quiet,” he comments.

You flick your eyes up and back down, reaching for more meat.

“Not that it’s bad. Shy? I know we’re just getting to know each other. That’s cool. But I get it,” he says as he takes a handful, “you know, it’s really something the way you look after your mom.”

You nod then shake your head, “she’s my mom.”

“Yeah, but... not everyone... would,” he says. “You know, you should give yourself more credit.”

You grumble and put down the patty in your hands.

“Well, if I’m gonna be around, I wanna help out, you know? You shouldn’t be taking this all on yourself. It’s amazing you’ve done it so far but... you’re young, you deserve to have some fun.”

You press your lips and roll another patty. You focus on the task as you watch your hands. He sniffs and lets out a deep breath.

“One day, you’re gonna make some lucky guy a good wife,” he says, “so you might as well enjoy your free time while you got it.”

You blink, surprised by his suggestion. That’s a far way off, if it ever happens. You don’t really know what will happen... after. You only ever worried about today. Tomorrow can wait.

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 10, Uneasy - Pt. 3

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, mentions of sex, Jade Carthage (sorry), petty behavior.

Word Count: 368

Previously On...: The Lion, the Witch, and the Audacity of this Bitch... Bucky had the balls to answers a call from Jade, abruptly ending sex with you to do so. You contemplated getting back into your old self-harm habits, but decided against it. You and Bucky argued, and it seemed like you really got through to him when you asked him to think of how he'd want you and Steve to interact every time he found himself in a situation with Jade. I'd say it seemed to work, but this is only Chapter 10 out of 28 :(

A/N: As promised, due to my lack of any updates yesterday, here's your second update for today! It's short, I know, but at least you didn't have to wait an entire day to just get < 370 words! :D

I love you! (no question mark) Also, when reviewing it to post, I noticed there was no swearing, and I thought 'can't have that! gotta reputation to maintain!' So I added a 'fucking' at the end, just to keep things on brand.

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Taglist: (Please let me know if you’d like to be added!) @jmeelee @cazellen @blackhawkfanatic @les-sel @marcswife21 @buckybarnessimpp @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @erelierraceala @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @jupiter-107 @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls @crist1216 @vicmc624 @sashaisready @j23r23

While Bucky took his shower, you threw on one of his Henleys and made your way to the communal kitchen to grab some snacks for your film. To your disdain, Jade was already there, pouring herself a glass of juice.

“Trouble in paradise?” she asked with a smirk as she put the juice back in the fridge. “I didn’t mean to overhear, but you and Jamie were just arguing so loudly.” 

“We’re fine,” you said. You grabbed a couple of bags of chips, some Twizzlers, chocolate, and some drinks. “But thank you so much for your apparent concern.”

“Didn’t sound fine to me,” she beamed. “You forget, I have super soldier hearing. Maybe you should consider getting a new therapist, since the one you’re seeing now clearly isn’t helping. I’m heading back to my room, but don’t feel the need to keep the fighting down on my account, ‘kay? It’s better than Netflix!” With a wink, she turned and walked out the door, juice in hand.

In your anger, you were gripping one of the bags of chips so tightly, it popped open in your hand. Coming to a quick and, probably stupid decision, you grabbed your snacks and raced back to your room.

Bucky was just coming out of the bathroom, with only a towel around his waist, when you burst through the door, tossing the snacks and drinks onto your nightstand.

“Ready for the movie now, doll?” he asked, toweling off his damp hair.

“Changed my mind,” you said as you started taking off your clothes. “Sex is back on the table.”

Bucky grinned at you, but his face quickly fell. “Are you sure, sweets? What changed all of a sudden?”

You pulled the towel from around his waist, licking your lips as his cock sprung free, already growing hard in front of you. “Just something I heard,” you told him before pouncing on him. “I’m gonna need you to make me scream, Barnes.”

“It’ll be my pleasure, doll,” he said before hoisting you up and kissing you.

You knew you were being petty, and it was not a great quality, but you didn’t care: you were going to make sure Jade Carthage heard every. single. filthy. fucking. thing.

<- Previous Part / Next Chapter ->

[familyvideostevie]

hey.

okay. hello! i'm back. :)

maybe you noticed, maybe not, but i have been away for a while.

i wish i could say i've been out living my life, so caught up in happiness and joy and loving each day that i've just not had time for tumblr. but....that is not true. i have been having a tough time! being away has been good, as i've had time to do other things that i like and to put energy into my own well-being, but it hasn't been the best time, I'll tell you that.

i peeked on the dash every now and then to keep my queue full and reblogged soothing things to my main blog and tried my best not to feel guilty about it all (i was also booping on April 1 lol). i just...I really needed a break. i've really enjoyed being here the last six or so months as i've changed my blog and entered the pedro/tlou space but i've also felt so, so alone.

and i know that it doesn't really matter!! like, we should all take breaks and go outside and all that stuff. and I know plenty of people are not very active, but this blog has been such a vital part of my life and happiness since I started it almost two years ago, so any lapse in activity feels like a loss. I've met lifelong friends and flexed my writing muscles and learned a hell of a lot. the fact that I have started to feel isolated and alone on here is a sort of personal betrayal, and there is no one to blame but myself.

So, I’m pulling back.

it means a few things — i don’t know how much writing I’ll be doing from now on. For Joel, especially — it’s been wonderful to meet folks in that community but it has also been really detrimental to my passion for both the game and writing. I’d like to return to some other characters on my masterlist, but we’ll see. I’ve got endless personal projects away from tumblr that I want to pour love and time into (my non-reader fics, my newsletter, a romance novel, a sci-fi novel, poetry, etc). I need to fall in love with my own work again.

it's a me problem, I want to stress that. i'm working on it! irl stuff has been kicking my ass. I've had a really, really hard winter and my mental health has suffered probably more than ever before. i let things I love -- like this blog -- fester and become negative and no longer being me joy. writing became stressful and difficult and I was focused on notes and interaction and looking around me and seeing success and then looking at myself and only seeing lack.

but that's why I took a break! i am getting help and support irl, i am putting in the time and effort to feel better about being alive and to be a better friend and person all around. And I want to tell you all about it because I am so grateful for your time and attention and support, even if we’re just strangers on the internet. i know this probably seems silly -- who cares about a fanfic blog? well, i care! i care a lot! it matters to me and therefore it matters!

anyway. on to the important stuff. here I am! and here's what's going to happen on this blog:

I am working on replying to asks and reblogs and comments I missed. Thank you for being patient with me! I don't know if I'll get to them all but know I see them and I am honored every single time.

I made a totally separate ao3 account with this blog url. I'm working on uploading everything I've posted here onto there and hopefully will continue to crosspost. It is going to take a long, long time, so please be patient! (you can follow my other ao3 here for my non x-reader fanfic).

I posted this fic! Jackson!Joel pulled me back into his world. It’s the first thing I’ve written in ages, so let me know what you think. as of now it's the last planned fic for that series, but who knows!

I hit a milestone while i was away that I am absolutely blown away by. I'm planning a celebration around it sometime this spring (hopefully) and I’d love to see you participate :)

lastly, thank you so much to my friends for letting me complain, whine, winge, etc. I am so sorry for missing all of your work, your celebrations, your bright energies, and all the rest. i am so sorry if it seemed like i was ignoring you. you are my guiding lights, my silver linings, my touchstones. you make me want to be here. i will try to make it up to you!

I want to be online less but make sure I’m connecting more in the moments that i am here. I want to pressure myself to write less and not feel bad that I’m not engaged all the time. I want this blog to once again feel like a place that nourishes me and not sucks me dry. i want to stop feeling like shit about all of it!!!!

so. come hang out in my inbox, my dms, let me know what you've been up to. I am really sorry for missing so much. thank you for sticking around. <3

[ghostwiththeemost]

⇢ ˗ˏˋ FROM THE CRADLE TO CREMATION . . . DEATH JUST NEEDS A LITTLE CONVERSATION ~ !࿐ྂ

Hey babes~ seems ya found my blog! Welcome to my humble abode. You may be asking “who is this SEXY SEXY man?” Well I’ll tell ya! I’m Behjdbbdnf… Beejkbngd… Bug wine. 🪲🧃. Use the emojis babe. I can’t type my own fucking name apparently. How fucked up is THAT?! Ugh, anyway… Let’s get onto the real shit. I’m the boss bitch here, you should hire me to get some shitty humans out of your beloved home. Or, call me up to fuck. Either works.

Alright, alright. People put their info and shit so I’ll do just that. I’m 🪲🧃, but ya can call me “sexy” or “handsome” or “sweets” or “pretty boy” or anything ;)~ Kay, moving on! I’m the ghost with the most, the biggest dick in town babe. He/him, but I can also be your/yours~ ;) I don’t care for labels, I’m a sexual beast. You wanna talk? Talk. You wanna flirt? Flirt. Send nudes? Eeeehhhh… Probably not, sorry sweetheart. I’d totally say yes, but that’d get me banned.

Anything else? Yeah, a lot actually. Ask me about shit. I’m over 600 years old, I’ve seen a lot, done a lot, witnessed a lot, I’m the fuckin best. I mean look at me, I’m the coolest ghost in town! ;)~ Also the best dick. DEFINITELY the best dick.

Well well well! Quite Fancy seeing you back here! Yet ANOTHER wonderful roleplay blog, and even a BETTER character?!?!??!?!1 WOAHHHHH! Wowie!

Hi! I'm the wonderful mod behind this obnoxious green ghoul of a man, and I hope you can stay a bit, have a seat, chat a bit! Learn a bit, see some tags behind this wonderful super duper cool page, yakknow how it is!

The name's Dew! Dewey if you wanna be fancy, but nah, I'm just a guy on the internet here to write for his funny bug man. No formalities needed. The pronouns are HE/SHE! I'm Genderfluid and Gay!

Kay, mini bits of info here... I'm an adult! So that being said I'm going to keep a boundary on certain aspects such as some forms of nsfw and SOME ships. Mostly I don't care? I'd just prefer if you were to tell me or have your age in bio before deciding to imply nsfw ROLEPLAYS. Flirting or nsfw anons I don't really care about, it's bound to happen, but you get it. also beetlebabes dni you all SUUUUUCKKKK.

Let's see... I have some other accounts. @candycoffinss , @photographerstanheight , @screamingqueenxoxo ... Other stuff, we'll see what I reveal.

Right, right... Tags and extra info... |🪲| ~ 𝑴𝑶𝑫 𝑻𝑨𝑳𝑲𝑺! - This is me talking!! >:] |🪲| ~ 𝑩𝑬𝑬𝑻𝑳𝑬𝑱𝑼𝑰𝑪𝑬 𝑨𝑵𝑺𝑾𝑬𝑹𝑺! - Replies to asks, you know how it is. |🪲| ~ 𝑩𝑱’𝑺 𝑽𝑰𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑴𝑺! - call for interacts maybe?? |🪲| ~ 𝑩𝑬𝑬𝑻𝑳𝑬𝑱𝑼𝑰𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑷𝑬𝑨𝑲𝑺! - Random yapping he does, reblogs... etc. |🪲| ~ 𝑩𝑬𝑬𝑻𝑳𝑬𝑱𝑼𝑰𝑪𝑬𝑺 𝑯𝑨𝑼𝑵𝑻𝑰𝑵𝑮𝑺! - Interactions Yeaaaaa

|🪲🔞| ~ 𝑺𝑼𝑮𝑮𝑬𝑺𝑻𝑰𝑽𝑬! - yea some things will be suggestive labeled just in case pleeease be cautious tyyy beetlejuice can be a menace.

ALRIGHT! FINAL BIT OF INFO!!!!! This writing of beetlejuice is a mix of everything, but I'm mainly leaning toward Justin Collette's version of Beetlejuice. He's still Beetlejuice of course, but keep in mind he won't be much like Alex Brightman if you're looking for an adaptation of him! (...There will be crumbs tho. Pathetic meow meow...) ANYWAY! Yeah, Just wanted to throw that out there, I didn't know if people would want my head for it LMAOOOO but YEAH!!! I'm free w any interactions btw. other fandoms, other blogs, movie characters, musical characters, do it !! >:] ok I think that's it... until I decide to go bonkers again. thanks for reading if you got this far! smooches ur forehead /p

[i23kazu]

05 : I DON'T THINK I CAN DO THIS ANYMORE

MADE TO BE MINE : A SCARA X READER SMAU 🎥

there is a swirling pit of nauseating, vomit-inducing self control that settles in your stomach as you piece together the least fake smile you can muster — at least, after what ei had announced with such quiet, barely-contained excitement and a soft smile on her face.

you wanted to throw up.

scaramouche, your mentor? kuni, your mentor?

you’d rather die.

you suspected that ei had no idea the history the two of you brought, that contributed to the tension of the table, and any of the reasons why you were so skittish around her son. kun- scaramouche, you caught yourself, was probably also not the reason for this pairing. he looked just as disgruntled as you.

yae clinked her glass against ei’s, and you looked up from your text with heizou. everybody else was laughing, cheering; there felt like a thinly veiled mask of sympathy from the men, however.

i mean, who in their right mind would place their ex with themselves — willingly, too?

i don’t think this is going to go well, i’m just setting myself up for failure.

come on. you had to at least try.

if i continue with this, will it destroy any career that i have? will my face of disappointment, of hurt over our relationship, be too obvious? will i fail miss ei and miss yae? will i disappoint scara?

but why, why did his opinion matter so much to you? you hated him, you despised him; after the sourness that your relationship ended with. you wanted nothing to do with him.

“(y/n), are you alright?” heizou whispered, rubbing his thumb against the back of your hand in an attempt to console you. you swallowed back the contempt.

“i’m fine.” you couldn’t look heizou in the eye. the streamer had a knack for discerning whether you were being truthful or not, and you couldn’t handle the embarrassment of yae and ei knowing that you hated their decision.

“no you’re not.”

“heizou, i’m fine.” the last word came out bitingly harsh, and you bit back a hiss. heizou recoiled, bringing his hand back onto his lap and crossing his legs. a flash of hurt briefly appeared on his face, disappearing as quickly as it came. i’m sorry, zou.

you smoothed your hair back and tried to focus on what yae was saying.. but the thought of spending time with scaramouche clouded your mind.

maybe i should quit before this gets worse for both of us.

synopsis !

with all the drama that happened ( that he caused ) and all the things you lost ( that he lost ), you promised yourself that you'd leave everything in the past... so why is the famous youtuber with two million subscribers, music major and ex lover kuni, suddenly back in your life? why is he now back, intruding into your long-anticipated campaign with RAIDENTERTAINMENT? and why is yae telling you that he’ll be doing it with you?

notes & facts !

timestamps don't matter here

yes, yn is genuinely considering leaving

scara's priv account name provides a tiny bit of context

cameos !

@naraven

taglist !

@zuyoo @soleillunne @xiaosonlybeloved @achlysis @gekkow @lxkeeeee @ilyuu @miko1ly @mondaymelon @snobwaffles @juulica @raingoesboomboom @the-ghost-0f-t0m0 @coquettemaiden @sakiimeo @kyouzki @supernova25 @ynverse @thenightsflower @darthvada @danhenglovebot @nnasv @sammybeefangirls @reikofruitloops

prev. | masterpost. | next

reblogs appreciated, especially those with tags and comments! if you liked this, feel free to leave a follow ✨

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

r/Antiwork

This subreddits is one of my favorite to go onto and actually laugh at people. But despite that people are still genuinely pretty ignorant on that subreddit. Even the top result that I saw was SO CLOSE but still missed the mark. 

And of course the top voted at the time:

Living wage as a concept is a joke. It’s not a real idea that can be made into a reality. And I might hear in the comments and reblogs, “ehum well akchewaly, in *insert much smaller, basically monocultural country here* it’s actually possible and it works great”. Or in other words. Tell me you can’t do basic reasoning without telling me you can’t do basic reasoning. 

Fact of the matter is living wage is a concept that is impossible to live by. Let me elaborate. Living wage is an ambiguous idea based on over a dozen factors that can not be accounted for and certainly can not be legislated. Ok why is that? Well first off what is “Living Wage”? Is it:

Enough money to survive off of?

Enough money to survive well off of?

Enough money to live with plenty of breathing room?

Enough money to literally never have to worry about money ever again. 

If your answer isn’t the first one, then you are NOT asking for a living wage. You are asking for living wage, AND breathing room for anything else that can arise. BUT, this is still an impossible concept to go off of. What dictates “living wage”? Is it just rent? Do we include food? Utilities? Transportation? Clothing? How much clothing if so? Toiletries? Luxuries? 

There is no answer to that. There CAN’T be. And the reason why is pretty simple. Where do you live? Do you live in Texas? Ok where in Texas? Do you live in Dallas? Austin? Tyler? Longview? Gladewater? Ok suppose I live in Gladewater and I work in Tyler. Costs in Gladewater are cheaper for living. But I’m paying much more in transportation. What about food costs in the area? Probably less in Gladewater. Though could be that depending on where you shop, it’s more. 

Why is any of that important? Well for starters it’s extremely important because MAYBE I think whoever hires me should pay me enough to shop at the POSH supermarket. You know. I want the high end stuff. Electric company? Yeah my job should totally pay for that too. Except I have Bitcoin mining rigs and keep my lights on all day. Water? Yeah I just turn it on and leave it on. Showers? Every hour because I can. Clearly I’m being stupid here but people ARE stupid. 

What’s more, if companies had to hire you for whatever your “living wage” was, they’d have to investigate your life in depth. AND this would end up causing a lot of hiring discrepancies. Why? If you live too far away and your bills are too high, AND they were required to match what it would cost for you to live, they’d be FAR more selective when hiring people. And you could not stop them from doing it. What’s more who all would have to pay those wages? Mom and Pop shops? Small business owners? A business who just opened a second store? Ok and are we also paying 16y/o much more? Much less? Their living costs would be next to nothing if they are living with an adult. Same for people living with their parents or roommates. 

And even then, just imagine. You get hired on to a job same day as another guy. Same experience and education as them. But he lives in a nicer area. So he now gets 5$ more an hr that you. Pretty shitty idea to live by. Maybe I want to live where they live. That company gonna pay me more? Not if they can help it. And what about low/no skill jobs? Should I just sit pretty while some guy doing f-all is getting paid as much as me doing a job significantly harder and more stressful? Or would doing something like scaling wages to “living wages” cause more people to opt for those types of jobs rather than jobs that are harder and more involved? And that’s another point these people miss completely. 

This idea of living wage is based on ignorance and often by people who are decently well off. OR by lazy f*cks that just don’t want to work hard. Fact is “barely getting by” is by the very definition, “living wage”. Because it IS enough to live off of. Granted, you might be strapped and not able to buy whatever you want to, but that is just life. Just be happy most of you live in a first world country. Because I can promise you that in a lot of second and third world countries they WISH they could make half of what we make in wages compared to the costs of thing where they live. 

[m-a-n-g-o-m-i]

cw// suicide/ self harm mentions

Just wanted to announce for my like 8 followers that I will be taking a possibly permanent break from this site. Really I just can’t handle it and I know it’s mostly my fault but I also want people to be aware of the effects that ur discourse has on people. I saw a post about how transandrophobia truthers should kill themselves to rid the world of their disgusting presence yesterday and well, I wanted to take that advice but I chickened out and now I just have bruises. I’m sorry. I don’t want this to come off as a guilt trip, and I know some people reading this might think I’m making a big deal out of nothing, and this is nothing compared to the harassment transfems face. Maybe that’s true, and I know it’s a little ridiculous to self harm so dramatically over things people say online, but you know, i really believed them. I wanted to do the right thing, and I mean it.

I guess I just latched onto the word transandrophobia because I thought it described the way I could be assaulted for being a woman in other people’s eyes, and then be told to shut up about it, because I’m a man, after all. I thought it worked well to explain how I could be targeted by the sort of fetishization people put on Asian women, while simultaneously being seen as predatory for being masculine. And while I’m fine to stop using the word “transandrophobia”, I will never stop believing that my experiences exist at some legitimate intersection. I don’t know what it is yet exactly. I’m sorry that I don’t have a better grasp on all this. But because I can’t stop believing in the things I’ve experienced, i guess I’ll always be some sort of “truther,” to some people. And I know it’s wrong to be this— don’t think I don’t feel any shame over it! But I’ve tried to drive out those thoughts before, and they just crept back and back, whenever my back was turned. I cannot get rid of them. I’m not very connected to the big accounts posting about this stuff, so I think I also just don’t really comprehend the situation with harassment and everything that lead people to tell others to kill themselves. However, I do think that if you tell people to end their lives, you should be prepared for some of them to do it, legitimately. Maybe that was the intention all along, and this post doesn’t mean a lot, then. But I prefer to believe that people don’t actually want a lot of their fellow trans people dead.

I’m sorry, genuinely. I saw a different post last week that said we should drive transandrodorks out of every irl queer space until they realize they’re all alone, forever. Well, the people I know irl haven’t driven me out yet, and maybe it’s shitty of me, but I’m going to keep hanging around them until they stop wanting to be around me anymore. They love me so far and selfishly I hope it continues like that. Im sorry, genuinely, but I don’t want to leave. They make me feel like it’s a beautiful thing that I exist. I hope I get to live like that for a long time. They’re also telling me to get off this website so I might not see responses to this post.

You can reblog this if you want, even though it’s very personal. I hope people realize I’m being real with this. I don’t fully understand this discourse and this post will probably reflect that— I’m really not trying to play into a particular narrative. I’m very autistic and take things people say very seriously by default. I just want people to understand how it feels. Thank you for reading this all.

[xerith-42]

There is no normal to return to.

I'm going to return to normal, or as normal as I usually am on this blog. But that won't stop me from talking about this. I have quite a few reblogs and posts queued up to give some important thoughts I had while I was away in regards to... my usual content. But I also still have plenty of posts about Palestine and the ongoing situation, and I'll be doing everything I can to stagger updates on the funny haha block man stuff, and the actually serious stuff.

If there's another strike called for, I will likely participate in it. Maybe this means my content will be inconsistent and kinda... bursty I guess? But I'll take the hit to my usual stuff and just spend more time on it if I have to. I had fun over the winter break, but life is picking back up anyways. I'm not really returning to normal, I'm shifting to a new normal. And talking about this conflict and the ongoing situation will become part of this new normal for as long as it has to.

I was honored to see the kind of reach my words could have, and I appreciated the amount of people who engaged with my content for possibly the first and last time. Depends on if I have more wildly intense thesis' about the situation to share (I probably will). There's always a part of me that wants to resist "getting too political" but then I remember I'm a dyed hair multi pronouned genderfuck with revolutionary ideas like "people should just get to live their lives however they want without the threat of violence, oppression, or actual genocide." Just some crazy wokeist ideology that totally doesn't bleed out from my creative works at all.

Because my experiences with fiction and the real world don't influence each other at all. Not even a little.

I've had quite a few social media accounts become pretty politicized or even start that way unintentionally, mostly because I started social media accounts centered around art. And all art is political. All art is personal. All art is influenced by politics and by people. That's how art always has and always will exist. So I really shouldn't be surprised this would happen when I got onto Tumblr.

I don't mean to suddenly bear my soul and go on some vague esoteric rant about my state of existence in a system of systems designed to harm me placed onto one of many infinite planets capable of creating life in our ever expansive universe, but that's just how I am. That's just how humans are. My spaces are always going to become political because I as a person am politicized. Our world is politicized. We are politicized from the moment of our inception. From the moment that someone becomes aware of our life the decisions made about it are endlessly wrapped up in the collective of politics even if we are but one measly part of that greater or worse collective.

Even something as seemingly unimportant as Minecraft Roleplays are deeply personal and political pieces of art and unique life shaping experiences. Never let someone tell you that you're being "too political" because in our endlessly politicized world, that's like telling someone that they're being "too human". It's not annoying to care. It's not too political to care.

TLDR: Art is political, everything is political, and even if you plan on "returning to normal", know that you should instead adjust what you define as "normal" to include pertinent issues and be ready to adapt to it. People want you to believe that disruptions won't work, but money and numbers talk. Disruptions to core systems of the western society work. Never underestimate that. Maybe you couldn't do a lot for this one, but keep your eyes out for the next one. Set aside a few bucks to donate. Read some of the reports about the ongoing conflict from ethical sources unafraid to speak to the real atrocities. Even little things can add up.

[jerzwriter]

Hey there, so I am just a choices-adjacent lurker, and I've been following the Elsa/Jared drama for some time now. I don't know either of you personally. And from what I've seen, I have come to the conclusion that this situation is solidly an Every Sucks Here situation. Maybe this is not my place to say, but honestly for everyone's sake involved in the fandom, Jared complaining about you on their blog daily and you ignoring and/or vaguing lim is honestly not productive. So here's my take on things. (I am sending a slightly tailored version of this to Jared as well)

JARED: Elsa is not walking evil. In fact, she does a ton of work for this fandom for free. "Who let her have this power over our fandom by running the fic account" no one did. She saw something she could do to help the fandom, and she did it. If she wasn't doing it, then we wouldn't have a choicesficcreations blog and there would be no fic archive. She certainly spends UNPAID hours every single week curating fic lists, going through tags, and organizing fandom fics to encourage people to keep producing. Constantly complaining about her and how horrible she is isn't helping anyone, it will just make her angrier at you and even less likely to listen to your grievances. Yes, the Open Heart fandom is extremely active and yeah, it's mostly cishet MCs, but that doesn't make anyone "evil" if they're creating that way. It's probably mostly cishet players who are projecting onto their MCs so it's enjoyable for them, the same way you want to project onto your characters, and that looks different for everyone. As long as no one is actively sending you anon hate or shitting on you for your character interpretations or ships, then it's okay. They're not evil for not liking or reblogging your trans Ethan art if that's not something they feel drawn to, just like you're not evil for ignoring the twelfth fmc x ethan pregnancy fic of the week. People should create and interact with what makes them feel happy and if you see something you don't like, scroll past. It goes both ways. The truth is that most of the OH art and fics are cishet because that's what most of the active creators are. I don't know how we got here, but that is what it is, and current creators aren't terrible for creating cishet fics and art, and they aren't obligated to like or reblog your takes on the characters. But guess what, you have wonderful friends who enjoy your takes on the characters, so appreciate that. Make art for them, create stories for people in your niche. If anyone attacks you for doing that, they suck. Someone saying on their own blog "I don't ship Ethias" is not attacking you. Someone saying on their own blog "Ethias is incest because they're brothers" is gross and should be called out.

ELSA: Just buckle down and apologize. You hurt someone. Multiple someones, apparently, based on that call-out post. That doesn't make you irredeemable because everyone says and does things that hurt people, even if they have the best of intentions. But acknowledge the fact that if there is a pattern of queer people feeling hurt and unwelcomed by the fandom, and that with your influence in the fandom, you are partially responsible for that unwelcoming atmosphere. Acknowledge the fact that you have a big platform and a ton of followers and friends who love and respect you, and will see what you do and use that to guide their own behavior. You probably didn't send anons off to attack Jared intentionally, but you need to take responsibility for that because your vague-blogging and so forth inspired people to try to defend you, and they attacked someone else on your behalf. Your apology shouldn't be to use them as a scapegoat, like "I NEVER condone anon hate, y'all are terrible and not affiliated with me" it should be, "I don't condone anon hate and think it's wrong, and am so sorry that my thoughtless post emboldened other users to think that using anon hate was a justifiable response to defend me." This is the responsibility that comes with having a big following. I know that you're bi and that's great. That doesn't mean that you have experience with every single facet of the LGBTQIA+ community. You are a bi woman. That does not make you an expert on what's hurtful to a trans person, a gay or bi man, an acespec person, etc. So listen to people when they try to tell you if something was hurtful and apologize. The last thing you should do is double down because when you do, it becomes clear that you care more about how you are perceived and being RIGHT than being kind. And I think that you truly are a kind person who wants to do good and make the world a better place. So basically, take some responsibility for this issue. You're an adult with a platform. Learn, do better, listen, and apologize. And make an active effort to support queer and trans creators who may feel alienated by this fandom at times. With your influence in the fandom, you have the capacity to make this a better place for everyone but that will never happen if you continue to hide behind a mask of "positivity" and believe yourself to be the victim of a smear campaign, without recognizing your role in all of this.

That's all I really had to say. I understand if you don't want to publish this but I really think that if this were AITA the right answer would be ESH. I hope that something I said is helpful and can help set this conflict to rest.

Nonny, I wasn't going to reply because I did not want to give this insanity any oxygen, a space, or a platform. But since line after line was crossed, I had no choice but to do so. So, since I did, I have no reason to not answer you any longer.

Here is my message regarding the things they posted about me that I have seen because, admittedly, I have not seen it all.

If someone stalks your blog for almost a year and pulls at every word you say... they'll find things that are wrong. Trust me, we can look at theirs for 5 min and find PLENTY of things that are wrong. Am I saying I'm perfect? I've never made a mistake? Never said anything stupid? Never had something to learn... or unlearn? No, I am not.

And I am willing to talk to anyone here, not talk, but listen. If I have hurt them, I will have the conversation, and I will apologize, and I will do better. But I will not apologize to people who have been actively bullying me, telling me to KM, telling me to enjoy my s*icide, telling me they wish I would die, and I won't even get into the horrific anons because I cannot prove they came from them - but ironically came in at the same time this other vile shit was posted. Nonny, you cannot think on any planet that acting like that is OK. If I hurt them or anyone else, it was unintentional, and I'm happy to be corrected and learn. That is NOT what has taken place in reverse. They are not the only people in the world with mental health issues; "big blogs" have them, too. (Besides, what's a big blog in a fandom of 10? Trust me, I've gotten much hate because of their intentional posts.)

If you think I'm such a horrible person? Check out the conversation. It's fully posted now.

Do you want me to apologize? I DID with J's freaking seal of approval - it's all in the conversation.

When they decided - without telling me - it was no longer good enough for them - they did not reach out to me like they promised, the public hate campaign was restarted . And that's what it has been, a public hate campaign. Do you think Tumblr gives a shit about me or J? They don't. J's blog was taken down because they violated terms over and over and over again. Should I apologize again, so in a month they change their mind again? And start this shit all over again? Sorry, I gave J a chance. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

Let's not Donald Trump "good people on both sides" this. NO. I did not start this (J admits that in our conversation). I have posted about this ONE FREAKING TIME vs. their hundreds of times. I tried to rectify it, I apologized. If I hurt anyone, it was completely unintentional; theirs is intentional, and anyone with reasonable comprehension skills can see that.

Oh and for the record, I don't fucking "vague". I'm not an asshole. If I post a fucking life quote and someone sees themself in it - that's on them, not me. Because they are NOT posted to target and I posted shit like that long before this bullshit started. I will SAY when I have something to say... I don't play those games.

You're right, I've given a lot to this fandom, but I'm fucking done. I'm not perfect, but I TRY to be kind, welcoming, I try to support and help - and then there is the otherside. All hate vitriol and never being kind to anyone outside of their friends. Like do SOMETHING positive. SOMETHING constructive. This here is no contribution.

Like everyone here, I'm flawed, and I'm imperfect. UNLIKE everyone here, I'm willing to admit my mistakes, I'm willing to learn, and I am NOT FUCKING WILLING to treat people the way this little group has treated me. Want to discuss hurt? Like this shit hasn't been hurtful. And the anons, babe, I won't even share them they're so disgusting.

So me and my 10 active followers are the problem? Come now. Maybe if others tried being decent people, they'd have more followers themselves.

I'm done with this.

Oh, wait, one more thing. Stop with the why don’t you try supporting queer creators. It’s embarrassing for you. Because in addition, being a queer creator myself, I have and I do support queercreators. I have fucking collaborated with queer creators. I created the LGBTQ archive, so it would be easier to find LGBTQIA works. What exactly is it that you would like me to do. If you’re going to accuse me of something accuse me of something I actually did because supporting queer creators is something I do, and that’s very verifiable.

[ns-imagines]

I did not want to bring drama onto this page but, i need to be able to defend myself and my blog.

To the @ users i had to read ur posts and comments so you should probably read mine :D

Edited: @everyone who comments and then deletes their comment. if ur gonna talk shit unblock me. I am all for it.

It is not fair in any form that everyone involved has only read that post. Let alone the person posting things to provoke the downfall of my week old blog and for me to receive death threats and to be called horrible things. Before you key board smash in the comments read the whole thing below.

There is absolutely no r*pe in the fic i posted. The non consensual aspect of it is Nikto entering the readers personal space, touching of the hand/shoulder/thigh. Everything sexual is consensual. Could i have explained it better in the tags yes. But it does not prompt what is basically cyber bullying to occur. It is my first NSFW post in the entire history of my account 2017-present.

Also people complaining its NSFW its a NSFW post???

Now addressing @cssndra-cain

This had all started two days into the reactivation of my blog. They had posted this.

** CRAZYYYY i go back to take a screenshot of the post and its fucking GONEE. It was a screenshot of my Character Introduction for Nikto. It was basically just talking shit.

At the time MY @ for this blog was in the # portion of the post. My like four followers reached out to me bringing this to my attention. I was almost finished with my fic so I decided to be petty back and send this meme

In no way shape or form does it say what the post is about, the nsfw, the contents, NOTHING. You are absolutely mad if you think i went to read your blog and ur entire life story after you calling me out under hashtags. I am honest to god regretting not taking screenshots of the chat because it was deleted either when they changed their name or blocked me. I dont know or care how tumblr DMS work.

If ur gonna post screenshots post the entire conversation because me stating “dont be sensitive” was referring to the mass amount of nsfw content under tumblr and under the COD fandom. I stated to them in DM there was no r*pe content involved and that it was just touching or him entering the readers personal space. I made sure to directly update it after having this conversation with the other user.

They then proceeded to reblog a post mentioned pedo****a and put MY blog in the hashtags. How the fuck am i a pedo*****e making a NSFW scenario about a man that is well over 20 maybe even 30? Please tell me.

This user then proceeded to remove the hashtags that mentioned me and made the post below

I will personally provide you the link if you want it.

In this post they completely bash my account and LIE about our interaction. Saying that, and i quote

“The author who DMed me even invalidated how much I found rape disturbing by saying “well there’s worse rape fics on here” and saying that I’m too sensitive to be on tumblr.”

Post the entire conversation because this is utter bullshit. All i sent was the meme.

“Imagine telling someone with any kind of past of sexual violence, that they’re too sensitive for the internet “

Because yes, (and this is sarcasm if you are dense) i totallly reviewed this persons account and knew their entire back story of trauma.

Then we have the user’s commenting who dont even BOTHER to check the other side of the story. You would think at the age of 16 or over (tumblr’s age requirement) you would understand that people say shit they way they want you to hear it. There is two sides to each story. If you are that easily influenced and dont do your research after seeing a post on the internet i am genuinely worried.

Then what gets me the most is this person continues to mention me in post. At what point does this become bullying?? You probably wont even read this because you want to feel in the right. Almost your entire blog is complaining about NSFW and how it triggers you like the author is supposed to know. You should probably turn on the NSFW filter. Please message me and i can show you how step by step.

I do not condone or support r*pe sexual assault or pedo****a. You read a NSFW post and got mad it was NSFW.

Im tagging everyone i dont care. If ur gonna call me horrible things, send death threats fucking read this.

Since ur post mentioned things I should learn. Hopefully you learn from this. Dont call people out if you don’t expect the truth to come out. Because i aint the one to take shit talking.

@ghostsaop @fury-under-night @collinnmckinley

@snikimobius @bjahfler @obligatoryghoststare @freshlemontea @romancedeldiablo

^insane most of you guys are late 20s early 30s

I will not be replying to comments or other post im done and i simply do not care anymore i am going to continue writing.

For my followers who are just enjoying my writing. Thank you and i love writing for yall. This will be the only drama post on my account and after 12 hours i will be adding a “read more” so it isnt blocking my content.

*me when i read a marked NSFW post and theres NSFW*

[andypantsx3]

This is going to sound weird, but do you have any tips on how to gain traction as a fanfic writer? I've been trying for years and I get next to no interaction on my writing. I know I shouldn't care because I should be writing for myself, but it's still frustrating to see other writers get thousands of notes, and reblogs and asks praising their fics and I get maybe 20 likes. I've been looking into discord fandom groups but a lot of them don't allow people over 30, and I don't do well with busy groups anyway. I try to be active on my blog, and interact with other people and make myself approachable, but I'm getting so incredibly tired of talking to an empty space. Sorry, I think I ended up venting instead >_<

WARNING: DISCOURSE AHEAD

Omg hello my love!! First of all, I'm so sorry you feel this way! I have so many conflicting thoughts on this, let me try to get them in order for you!!

I guess, let me first start with some tips that I think actually answer your question, and then I'll just monologue about the ways I've been thinking about fandom recently, and you can skip that part if you wanna!

Part 1: Actual Thoughts on Your Question (lol)

I am possibly not in the best position to ask about this because I mostly happened to be in the right place at the right time, publishing my fics in the early part of the pandemic when people were more actively engaging in the fandom. But in my experience, outside of discord groups, other good ways to meet people and get your work out there are joining zines & collabs.

I'm not completely up-to-date with what the accounts are now that track these things, but there are several tumblrs and twitter accounts like BNHA Zines that exist to retweet & publicize zine posts. Look for zines that are in the interest check & application stages!! You can apply during the application phase and the good thing is that most zines will ask for an application piece and will judge you on your work rather than your follower count!!

Collabs are usually even easier because many of them are just open to whoever wants to join! I've only participated in server collabs but I've seen several posts cross my dash that are open to anyone. I'd probably monitor the collaboration and x reader tags on tumblr and join in on anything that looks fun!!

Another thing that I've noticed people do a lot is self-reblog their fics a couple times just to maximize their circulation. I've seen a lot of moots trying to make sure they hit good hours for different time zones and different days of the week to ensure their followers are at least aware that they've posted something if they don't have notifs on (I don't have notifs on so I'm grateful for these because otherwise I miss a lot!!). Even I have srb'd a time or two if I'm particularly proud of something lol.

And I think, if I also wanted to be a shark about things, I would try to get in on the ground floor of a fandom in its early stages!! For example, the second season of JJK is coming out soon and it's sure to bring a wave of new readers to the JJK fandom, especially for the characters like Gojo and Getou who look like they're gonna be the main focus of the season.

I think if you wanted to be extra sharp about things, you might time a fic release with some of the first couple episodes of a new season where you can be sure more people than usual will be poking around in the tags!! And if your fic is published during the early stages of a fandom, it's going to have more eyes on it overall than a fic published towards the conclusion of the series.

Anyway this is what I could think of. I hope this advice is practical and useful!! Now onto me blathering.

Part 2: Resisting Influencer Culture in Fandom Spaces

This part might be kind of controversial. I want to first acknowledge how easy it is for me to think and say these sorts of things when I'm already more than pleased with the amount of engagement I get. And I want to recognize that it is so, so deeply human to want recognition, community, and support for the things that we write.

I think it is so completely natural that you want interaction on your writing. All of us totally do, otherwise we wouldn't be publishing it publicly. If our work was truly, singularly for us and us alone, we'd keep it in the drafts lol. We put it out there hoping for praise and appreciation and connection, and in my opinion there is no shame in that.

So, admission time: I also definitely compare myself to other writers, and I have several times thought about transitioning more towards the type of content that drives higher note counts on tumblr: smuttier one-shots usually under 10k! I can see a huge difference in terms of just my own work on how my one-shots typically do in comparison to chaptered fics. And I definitely see how fast smutty imagines shoot up there in terms of note count.

But I was listening to a podcast episode recently on trying to sort of transition away from a metrics-focused approach to fandom. In the podcast, they talk about how in trying to legitimize fanfic as a literary mechanism, we've also sort of accidentally subjected it to our capitalist-influencer-mindset, where we see fic as more legitimate the more kudos it gets or the more followers it nets you, because in traditional influencer spaces, those followers are potential capital.

I'm definitely not saying you or I see people as potential revenue streams, but I think probably neither of us are immune to the culture at large, and we both probably carry some of internalized sense of our own value based on metrics, reach, and influence. And that sucks!!!!

Fandom, of all things, is supposed to be a specifically anti-capitalist space. We can't make money off of fanfic or fanart (legally, anyway lol), and we're all not the owners of the franchises either so none of our takes are necessarily more "valid" or weightier than others!! We're all supposed to just be trading stories around a campfire with no thought to their literary merit or monetary value. We're just supposed to enjoy the stories.

So, I don't know what the right answer is about how to try to resist the influences of our capitalist culture at large; I'm hoping someone smarter than me will tell me. But I do know that in fanfic, the value of your story can absolutely never be determined by how much engagement you get. Because fandom is not about metrics, and there is no inherent value in metrics. There is only the fun you had creating the story, and the depth of the connection you made with someone over it--even if that's just one other person.

And so I personally am at least trying to resist the lure of transitioning to smutty one-shots even though I think a lot of people would like that. Because what I like doing is writing my little 30k multi-chaps; those are my fave kinds of stories to tell, I'm not letting my metrics tell me what I should be writing.

I hope, at the very least, you know that your worth and the value of your story is not defined by how many other people have read it. And if you ever wanna chat more about this let me know, I'm still figuring this all out myself and could use friends to explore it with!!

[anxietywithfloof]

Warning: This is a long post that i need to make for my own mental health, so if you don't want to look at this all, then I recommend going to the tl;dr section at the end, but if you do read, thank you.

Also, no names will be put because I DON'T want anyone to be dragged into this shit either. Don't go looking for them either, as I will refuse to give names of anyone. Thank you.

I don't care if you like, share, reblog, whatever. I'm not doing this for fame or to call out anyone. I just want to rid this of myself and to move on and to forgive those that I'm potentially leaving.

With all that out of the way, let's begin:

I have an announcement.

I'm taking a break from the commewnity. For a while. Idk when I'll be back, if at all. I might still talk to a few members of the commewnity, but don't expect anymore OCs from me if i decide to leave it forever. Everyone has proven they don't like them anyway. I'm angry, had multiple breakdowns, and a counselor told me this was my best bet to have my mental health be better.

Let me tell my POV.

I want to put this to rest, never to be a problem ever again.

All from the moment this shitstorm started.

My second ever reference sheet.

It was terrible, to be frank. I didn't know how to draw a Mewtwo at ALL, as well as how to execute my ideas in a drawing format or how to make a skeleton for drawing poses and such. Hell, I deleted it off of my Tumblr AND my phone because I hated it that much later on. All I knew is that I wanted one that represented me. My anxiety, my imperfections that I see in myself, my creativity. I made it and wasn't sure of the looks. It looked weird and I wasn't sure. My boyfriends and all my friends told me they loved it, however, so I went with it, nervous as hell.

This is the start of a mistake I made.

At this point, I had a couple of friends in the commewnity and I was doing decent. At least...I thought.

I wanted to join a Mew and Mewtwo server that was VERY popular, with some amazing, incredible artists and members in it, so I asked to get in.

I never got in. Still haven't.

They said they were "weary/wary" of me, which at the time, didn't make sense and...after a while...I lost, losing a friend in the process...

This was a while ago and I no longer wish to be in. It won't happen regardless, so why should I care anymore.

But the thing is...all the mods were too. From the old and bad ref that, at THAT time, I had changed and it was a bit better.

Informed it was because of my character, I tried to fix it. And, after a couple of iterations, is how you see them today. Marla. And I probably will rework them more in the future because they're a really interesting character that I want to make lore and deep characterization for.

I deleted all the old ones and that became what she looked like. Everything good, right?

Except it wasn't.

I found out other members talked about me, never even letting me KNOW about it, all behind my back saying they were uncomfortable about me, always pulling up that same damn old ref sheet that I deleted long ago and I HATED. They started saying it was a fetish character, a kink character, an NSFW character.

Marla. Is. Not. NSFW.

She's never been one and never WILL be one. NONE of my characters are, in fact. I'm a minor! I'm 16! Why the HELL would I make a character intended to be an NSFW character and post them out in the open?! What's worse?? Even though I cleared that up, they STILL think that no matter WHAT I say AND they still are holding onto that old damned ref that I didn't have confidence for in the first place.

Then they started saying they were wary because of other things, like accounts that were recommended (to which I do NOT know why they were bad for a small amount of time. Only thing I can think of is maybe because of the controversy. Maybe I accidentally followed an account that was 18+ that didn't state they were on the front. Idk. I still don't 100% know, but I think it's been fixed), to my desperation at the time to be in the server, which I get, but you have to understand that I came from a school that bullied me relentlessly and made me feel alone 24/7, so this felt like a chance at finally being heard or seen, to even my fucking ARTSTYLE and OUTCOME, to which, I need to say this. I have no control of my artstyle. My artstyle is the result of COUNTLESS practice and finding different tutorials to borrowing techniques of my favorite shows, so I'm sorry if the artstyle makes you wary of me. I can't control my own artstyle. I'm trying to IMPROVE and make it more refined, but I can't outright get rid of my artstyle. And I ALSO hate the outcome of my art sometimes. I'm not the best at angles and that feeling of "ugh. This looks off...even though I made it" happens to ANYONE that draws as a hobby. I've deleted FAR more artworks than I've posted because it looked off or I thought it could do better. So, I'm sorry my efforts also weren't enough. I really am. Like, genuine.

It's gotten to the point where I don't feel comfortable posting ANYTHING because I'm worried mods and others in the server or in the commewnity will hate me MORE for it for even MORE misconceptions and false reasons I don't know of yet. I've felt alone. Shunned. Bitter. Felt like I wasn't good enough for a chance at redemption. I've asked multiple times if i could do anything to be even in any way I could, but nothing.

If I wanted to feel like this again, I would've stayed at my old school. It's gotten to the point it feels like bullying or gatekeeping or just outright shunning me from others because of all this.

So I'm taking a break.

To those people, I've forgiven you. I've forgiven you for all this.

If you want to talk about it and work anything out...I'll be on Tumblr... and I hope we CAN work things out. But for now, I won't be giving attention to the commewnity for a while.

I love the community and I love the creativity hosted in it, but I need to do this for my mental health. I'm sorry to everyone who considers me a friend in the commewnity and I hope this whole thing can finally be solved and this whole thing can finally pass, being able to actually talk to creators and not be shunned for honest mistakes and misconceptions.

Thank you for listening and I hope everyone's daycare be a bit brighter. Mine included.

●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□

TL;DR, an old ref I don't like because I didn't know what I was doing with the design is being hanged over my head as well as misconceptions of my characters, especially Marla, causing me to be isolated and I need a break from it.

If you want to speak, private chat me on Tumblr or Discord. You might need to wait until after I get home from school, bit I'm willing to chat or clear things up.

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

[miawstic]

oh hey!

it's me! I'm back!

lots of folks are flocking over from twitter right now, so now seems like a good time to start again for myself as well—though I've actually been thinking about starting again for a long time now. a lot has changed in my life and in return I've changed a lot about this blog, so I'll be talking about it all for a bit.

there'll be a tl;dr at the bottom if you don't feel like reading it all, but I'd appreciate if you did!

so, hey. I thought for a long time about what to do with this account. this place spawned and held a lot of memories of people who did me wrong and the mistakes I'd made, and it was bad enough for a while that I just didn't want to look at it at all.

it took a long time to accept what happened to me and that it shouldn't have happened, and that I shouldn't be protecting and supporting the people who were involved anymore. but, yeah, I think I was kinda groomed. that sucks, and I won't go into details about it. I'm thankful to have the clarity I have now as an adult to come to terms with it.

I considered wiping this account entirely and moving to a new account—both to try to erase what happened and to have a more appropriate place to house the new type of content I've moved onto. but, I've had this account since the day I turned 13. I'm 22 now. it's been my home and I'm not letting any assholes' influence taint it and take it away from me. also, I can post what I want, lol.

that all being said, though, I have updated the look of this this place to match my current tastes! I'd like to do even more, but I'll need to draw stuff to do that. so, while this blog has already been hugely overhauled, it'll continue to be a work in progress until I get the time to make some assets for it. I also wiped a large chunk of my old posts because, frankly, nobody needs to see all of that. and, y'know, memories of being groomed and all that, lol. I'd like to totally redo my about as well—maybe make a new one entirely somewhere else?

speaking of Blogs and Posting, I should probably let you all know that I'm not going to be posting anymore megaman content anymore—neither through my own posts nor reblogs. I've grown out of that fanbase, and I think it's time to move on for everyone's sake. if that disappoints you, I'm sorry, but also, I'm not sorry because this is the best thing for me. I don't need it anymore, but I'm grateful for all the growing I did while being into it. you're entirely welcome to leave if cookie run and my ocs aren't your jam—thanks for staying with me all this time! and to those who choose to stay regardless, you have my whole heart. thank you to both!

I can't say how often I'll be posting here, as I've gotten a lot of things in my life now that eat up my time (this is a good thing, in my teenage years I would've never imagined having the responsibilities I have now!). on top of two jobs, I also co-own the cookie run kingdom wiki now! managing and improving that place takes a LOT of my time, seriously. it's made me slow down significantly in making my art, but that's alright—I seriously love it there, and I've met so many amazing people and built a lot of other skills from being there. like coding! I can do that now! I'm responsible for coding and designing a very big portion of the templates and extra styling on there, and I'm very, very proud of it! being a representative of the wiki, you can always feel free to ask me about the site, its policies, etc. here. also, I'll probably be going back to school soon...

but anyways, oh yeah, art. I've got a pretty good backlog of completed drawings that I'll be posting to here. I'll be queuing the posts to come out at probably a rate of one a day until they're up, though. no more posting 7 pieces in one day and posting the next in 3 months (at least for now 🤔). like I said, I don't have a ton of time to draw constantly like I used to, but I'll do what I can in making more in the future. as for what I'll be drawing, I mean, probably cookie run. maybe some ocs though, because I've got a few ideas. maybe things from my other interests? we'll see! I've also been sculpting a lot, actually...

and yeah, don't let the seriousness of this post fool you; I'll certainly still be reblogging dumb, non-serious posts like I always did. fixing up the look of the blog itself is enough professionalism I think 😵‍ also! I'll be letting up on all the trigger warning tags I had used in the past—scopophobia, animals, food, that kind of thing—because I've literally never been asked to tag anything like that. I mean, feel free to let me know if you do need things like those tagged, but, starting now, I'm going to take it a little easier with the tags. very common triggers (blood, abuse, so on) will still be tagged, of course.

I think that's it? yeah. nice to be here again, it's much more relaxed and individualized than twitter! I think I almost felt intimidated by tumblr for a long time since it almost feels like posts need to have more "purpose" than tweeting on twitter. but, like, I'm older and give less of a shit now. my house, I post silly thing.

---

thanks for reading if you did! here's your tl;dr:

I've deleted the majority of my old posts and revamped the look and theming of my blog to have a fresh start, to cut rotten ties, and to have a place that suits my current self. also so I don't have to be embarrassed every time I post.

no more megaman! in terms of art, it'll be cookie run and maybe some ocs, or whatever else. art won't be frequent, though, because I'm always busy with work and the crk wiki.

I'll be posting my backlog of completed art over the next few days.

I'm no longer tagging the more specific trigger tags like scopophobia (unless you really want me to???).

you should commission dani.

[jupitermelichios]

i put some stuff in the comments but i ran out of space so i'm reblogging

firstly, lying about the tuition isn't great, but i can't say i wouldn't have done the same in your situation, especially at your age. being 20 is fucking hard.

secondly, your dad sounds like a piece of work, and you would be absolutely 100% justified in lying to him about not deleting your discord. a) you're a full grown adult who can make their own decisions, b) the idea that having social media accounts makes people fail exams is some technophobic nonsense, and c) it kind of sounds like he's trying to isolate you which is really not okay. lie to his face about it without guilt, just be careful. definitely delete the app now rather than waiting for him to check, password lock your devices if you haven't already, get in the habit of closing tabs when you're not using them so you don't accidentally leave discord open, and stick to incognito tabs or clear the browsing history if you're using a shared family computer at all

second-and-a-half-ly, medical care is confidential, if your dad does decided to seek mental health treatment no one but he and his therapist ever need to know unless he wants them to, don't worry about it hurting his reputation.

thirdly, i hope you'll accept some tips from someone who also really struggled with physical and mental health all through university, and ended up having to repeat a two years (but got there in the end)

a lot of people irl are probably going to tell you some real bullshit about yourself and your situation (maybe not, for your sake i hope not, but it's unfortunately more likely than not based on my experience). so you need to look yourself in the eye now and accept that no matter what anyone else might say, you did the best you could. yes even though you didn't sit the exams. yes even though you didn't get the grade you needed. you did your best, and the fact that you didn't end up where you wanted to be is no kind of moral reflection on you. you did your best in a crap situation, and you should be proud of yourself

but, and it's kind of a big but, accepting that you tried you best also means accepting that 'next year i'll work harder, be healthier, be better at the things i struggle with' isn't a plan, it's wishful thinking. accepting it means sitting down and making a plan for how you cope if things don't get better, because sometimes you try your best and things still end up being crap.

that doesn't mean they won't get better of course, and it doesn't mean you haven't grown or learned important stuff over the last semester that will help you cope if things get bad again in the future, and it doesn't mean you're giving up, even though i know it can feel like it at times. think of it like putting on a lifejacket before getting onto a boat. you might not need it, but promising yourself you won't crash the ship won't do anything to stop a storm blowing in, and trying to get back to land to collect one after your boat is in trouble is going to be really fucking hard. putting on a life jacket isn't you giving up on being a good sailor, it's just taking reasonable precautions. so you make a plan now, and then you've got it ready for when you need it.

there's four main things you need in your plan:

1. getting medical support if at all possible, and getting it now while you're relatively okay, so that it can help you stay okay, rather than waiting until a big crash comes. see if your university offers any kind of student mental health services (they often do in my country but every country is different), and if it doesn't, try to find services yourself. without knowing your country i can't advise on what that would be, since every country is different

in addition/instead you can look into what doctors recommend people do for themselves to manage your particular flavour of mental health problems, and try to incorportate that into your daily life. don't try and fix all your problems yourself, or set huge goals (it'll just end up being a source of stress when you inevitable struggle if you aim too high), find something you genuinely think you can do most of the time, whether that's a guided meditation app, mindfulness excercises, going for walks (i know it sounds like bullshit but unfortunatly all the resrarch agrees it helps with most mental health stuff), yoga, drinking more water, whatever the research recommends and you think you could do on an average day. the point isn't to cure yourself, it's just to reduce the chances of a big crash and generally give yourself a bit more mental energy to deal with problems if or when they do happen.

2. talk to your personal tutor if you have one (i don't know what other countries call this - universities here assign students a lecturer to act as your first point of contact for any concerns or academic issues you might have, we call it a tutor), and when you know what classes you're going to be taking this next semester, talk to the lecturers, as soon as you can. let them know now that you have some chronic health problems. that's scary the first time, but it gets easier every time, I promise. if you prefer not to do it face to face (and having a paper trail can be useful anyway) you can write up one formal email and then just tailor a few details and send it to each tutor. you don't have to tell them anything about what your health problems are, although it's best not to actually lie because you might need to produce medical evidence at some point down the line. just tell them you're looking forward to their class, and you wanted to let them know in advance that you have chronic health issues which can occaisionally impact your studies. you don't anticipate it being a problem, but you wanted to check, if it does impact you ability to attend class, whether lecture notes/slides are shared anywhere online, and if not, whether they would be willing to email them to you, and whether there will be classes (such as practicals/labs/presentations etc) which can only be done in person this semester, so that you can plan accordingly.

this works regardless of whether you actually think you'll need the slides or whether there will be in person classes, because the actual point isn't the slides, it's a) to make sure that if things get bad again and you have to ask for accomodations there's already a record of you having issues, which usually makes people more likely to accept you're being genuine, and b) make sure they know that you're pro-active and eager to learn, so they'll want to help to you if you need it.

(and since lecturers are only human, and sometimes humans are unfortunately dicks, it also lets you know which lecturers are the most likely to be kind and understanding)

3. find out now what the policy is on extensions to deadlines for coursework or homework. it might be university wide, or it might be department by department, or it might be lecturer by lecturer (in which case you can incorporate it into your email above). if you have a personal tutor, start there, or ask the university office who should be able to point you in the right direction, or if you have a student union, they probably have someone who can help. find out if you need medical evidence, and how much in advance you need to request the extension, so that if you do end up struggling, you know in advance what to do.

4. take a serious look at the last semester, and the one you dropped out of before, and try and figure out what the big stressors are. i know it probably feels like the answer is 'all of it', but there will be some stuff that stresses you out more than others. if you're living away from home, is it stuff about that, like cooking for yourself, or washing up, or laundry? do you have a friend who stresses you out every time you talk? is there a specific class or type of class you really struggle with? is it having too many exams all at once? did you have to do a lot of academic reading you found difficult? did all your classes combined involve more outside study than you had time for? do you really hate having to chose what to wear to class? have you used alcohol or drugs in a way that's stressing you out? are there noises or smells that you find seriously unpleasant? is it a person you live with? sometimes surprisingly small things can have a big impact. I have to limit how many crime stories i read, which sounds kind of silly for a 33 year old adult, but for some reason they happen to be one of the things that sets off my anxiety really badly. brains can just be assholes like that sometimes.

figure out what your stressors are, and then you can start figuring out ways to reduce or remove them. don't worry about what a "normal" person would need, who cares about them. everyone everywhere needs some kind of accomodation or has to compromise between that they think they should do and what they realistically can do, it's just that it usually happens behind closed doors so we don't see other people do it. it's not weak or shameful to alter our lives to fit what we need, it's a sign of maturity. and there's almost always at least a partial solution to stressors or mental health triggers. if you can't think of one, try searching online or asking people because there are no new problems, and chances are you're not the first person to ask. if the issue is about the number or type of classes, try and mix up what classes you take to balance out the ones you find particularly hard with easier ones (if you don't get told in advance automatically what coursework or exams will be like, or if you don't know what the lecturer will be like, ask other students - if the school has a message board or forum online for students you could ask there, if you don't know anyone irl to ask - there's usually someone who'll know).

and then, with these done, if things do get bad again, you know the process for asking for extensions, you've primed lecturers to support you if you need to skip class or ask for extra support (and in the unfortunatle situation that any of them didn't respond well to the email you know which classes to prioritise if you have to let some things slip), you'll have coping strategies and ideally professionals to support you, and you'll know what makes things worse and you can take steps to temporarily remove it from your life while you get back on your feet (for example, if you know cooking is a stressor, you can't permanently remove it from your life because you need to eat, but if you hit a bad patch, there's no shame in living on bananas and sandwiches for a few weeks to remove that stress from your life until you're feeling better)

good luck! you've totally got this 💚

AITA for asking my parents to pay my tuition for the semester, lying about how I lost my scholarship, and then planning on lying to my dad regarding his requirements in exchange for him paying the tuition?

My (20X) college has a scholarship for offspring of faculty members, and I was lucky enough to have my application accepted by the college that my dad (53M) works at. This means that I get a full ride scholarship; if I graduate within 4 years, I won't have to pay a single penny to my college (books and supplies not included, of course).

Unfortunately, the scholarship does have two requirements; I need to have taken at least a certain amount of credits semester before (not a ridiculous number), and for that semester, I need to have gotten over a 2.0/4.3 GPA. Easy enough, right? Who can't get a GPA over 2.0?

Well. I suffered a mental health downfall the past semester and I ended up failing half my classes. I was unable to sit my finals. I know this wasn't smart of me, and I think I should've done something about my academic situation other than just wait for the semester to be over, but I had quit a semester due to my mental health decline previously and I didn't want a repeat of that. In any case, I got a GPA of about 1.6. I'm not on probation but I did receive a warning.

Fortunately, this doesn't mean I lost my scholarship for good. I just need to fulfill those requirements in the upcoming semester and I get it back.

I realized I did need to pay my tuition this semester two days before tuition fee acceptance closes and I debated telling only one of my parents. My mom wants me to finish college no matter what, and my dad has told me that he does not care anymore as long as I don't stress him out. He's also told me he no longer has any expectations for me whatsoever. I did also consider talking about it with my brother and borrowing money from him to put together the tuition fee.

I figured I'd bite the bullet and just told my dad, who I know has been stressed about my future and how badly I'm doing in college. I just casually dropped it as I was making breakfast for myself and then we had a lengthy conversation that my mother (51F) joined when she got back home.

I don't remember much of the conversation (I may have memory problems) but the AITA mentioned part is that I lied to my parents and told them I did sit all my finals and try my best. I didn't. I tried that for mid term exams but I had nothing to write, so for finals I didn't sit them at all. This happened with three of the classes I was taking. I just didn't take my finals. My dad was suspicious of my claim; he said that as a professor himself he wouldn't fail students who at least submitted homework and sat their exams to write anything at all, but I maintained that I tried.

The conclusion was that my dad would be willing to pay my tuition if I got my shit together and also deleted my social media, which he thinks is a drain on my time and energy. He's not wrong. I deleted my Twitter accounts immediately afterwards (which my parents don't know about) because I've been thinking about it, but I can't really bring myself to get rid of Discord, where so many of my friends are. People I've met while studying internationally, long-term friends who moved to other countries; Discord is the only way to contact these people.

This is the AITA part; if my dad follows up on that particular requirement to check if I deleted Discord, which he particularly dislikes (he has previously confiscated the electronics I bought with my own money that I earned, after he saw me on muted call at night with some friends), I plan on deleting the app/program on my devices but using it anyway as a website. This would be a betrayal of my dad's trust in me, but there's no love lost between us anyway. He's already told me he doesn't love me unconditionally. (Yes, I'm his biological child and he did raise me.)

I also feel like an asshole because I could've settled this with the help of my brother; I'd pick up a job during the winter break to pay him back, but it would have been done eventually. Or I could've just gone to my mom. She works her own job, and we could've figured it out together without telling my dad. I told my dad anyway, wanting him to pay the tuition, even though I knew that talking about having to spend money on his kids stresses him out deeply.

My mom also told my dad to go to therapy (in detail, so I know it wasn't just something she said as a throwaway thing) during the conversation. It did get heated. I don't disagree, but I don't know if that'd be okay; mental health is stigmatized where I am, and my dad as a grown adult man and a respected professor if seen going to therapy could have his reputation kind of effected. It wouldn't have happened if I just brought up this whole situation quietly up to my mom, or just my brother.

So I lost my scholarship, I lied to my parents about the technicalities of how that happened, and I'm asking for some amount of money from my parents but also planning on lying to them in regards to the terms they set out. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[slothbaby9]

In an attempt to organize this blog as I come back to it... I figured it was about time for about post! Disclaimer that I've never made a post like this before, so bare with me as I try to organize my thoughts.

So! My name is Sam, though I'm okay with answering to pretty much anything. I'm currently 19, and use they/them pronouns. I live up north in the snowy lands of Canada, in the pst/gmt-8 timezone. I do have a full time job, a handful of mental health issues, and chronic illness/pain; this is to say that I do want to be here and be active, but there will probably be times where I'm unable to be on as much as I'd like. I'm also typically mobile bound, so hopefully my posts don't look too ugly.

This blog will be a mix of things, in all honesty, because I don't feel like splitting up accounts to be for different things. The main posts on this blog should be writing related; I enjoy writing fanfiction (mostly marvel based) and creating original written works as well. I'll also be posting some roleplay things on this account as well; interest checks, promos, and searches. Then, of course, there will be the random posts that I reblog.

Now, onto what I write. For fanfiction, I tend to most often write romantic Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes. However, I'll also write fics centering around any of the original 6 Avengers, Peter Parker (though I admittedly lean TASM than MCU), Yelena Belova, Kate Bishop and a maybe a handful of other characters. Though if you'd like to request something with other characters and ships, feel free to shoot me a message and I'll let you know if it's something I think I can do justice! I'll write platonic, familial and romantic relationships between characters, as well as introspective fics. I'll write canon divergent, canon compliant and aus. My inbox is always open to prompts/requests, though I don't promise a timeframe of me writing it.

And then things I won't write... I don't write smut, I'm asexual and bad at writing it out, and I don't feel like it's something that needs to be included in my fics. I will imply and fade to black, but don't expect any of that to be written out. I won't write taboo themes, either. I don't mind if you send me a message to check if it's something I'll write, but if I say no, please respect that. I also won't write Yelena in any romantic/sexual pairing, as she is aroace in the comics.

Requests? Open / Closed

Upcoming Projects

My AO3